Quite frankly, I’m writing this in the midst of
turmoil.
About two months ago, I submitted my resignation
letter to the managing board of my organization. I would not go into the
details here, I haven’t yet articulated my experience in “leadership in
practice”. Two and a half years of work and life in Tokyo - It’s not long but
rough road where my values and beliefs were tested. Changes are happening both in
my career and personal life. These changes – good or bad - are shaking the core
of who I am.
Once again, I’m in the process of unlearning and
re-learning about myself.
Did I expect this when I was in APLP? I remember I was
preparing myself for the new responsibilities at work and the new life in
Tokyo. I saw challenges but also opportunities. Just like in my twenties and
thirties, I thought I had a rather clear vision in terms of what I wanna do in
my life, and plans to reach there. There were some obstacles foreseen but I
took them as exciting challenges rather than the cause of distress.
A friend of mine recently gave me a book called “Transitions:
Making Sense of Life’s Change”, written by William Bridges and translated into
Japanese (and many other languages). Knowing what I have been through, he
thought the book might help me to deal with the situation – or more likely,
myself.
Reading the book, I realized that I hadn’t really expected
to go through such a big internal change at this point of my life. I had simply
assumed that I build a kind of “foundation” by the time I reach a certain age,
and what I have to do is to keep building up on it. But now, what I might have to do is to rebuild
the foundation from the ground up. The journey to find who I am seems to be
never ending.
Now I see myself in the middle of a wide open space. I
no longer continue to take the same path that leads to the destination I used
to set. I don’t even know if I should move forward or back, or start digging
where I’m standing.
That being said, I am not too anxious about the
situation and am giving myself a time and space to figure the new destination
and paths gradually. In any case, I still have 6 months to leave my work and
there are still a lot to deal with till then!
I hope I can share with you some exciting news in the
near future – till then, wish me good luck!
